Monday, October 17, 2011

2011 Holiday Cards from Shutterfly

Last year, I ordered my holiday cards from Shutterfly.  I used a wedding photo of my DH, myself, and his kids.  It was a perfect way to make sure everyone had one of our wedding photos from July.  I cant wait to order again this year.  The quality of the cards is amazing, the colors are so vibrant and they just "pop" right off the page.  My dilemma this year is deciding what photo to use but then I cant wait to pick which card I want to use.  Some of my favorites are the Frosty the Snowman, the Sparkle Joy, and the Flurry of snowflakes
Shutterfly has photo books, photo gifts, and calendars.   Check back soon on my blog for a chance to win 25 free holiday cards!!

Monday, October 3, 2011

Our New Adventure

August 20, 2011 our new adventure began.  We have started Pride classes to become licensed foster parents.  We live in Illinois and they require 27 hours (9 weeks) of classes in order to become licensed.  Our classes end on Oct 22 2011 and as long as we pass our homestudy (which I dont think will be a problem) we will be licensed.  In class, we have covered everything from "Why do we want to be foster parents, the history of our family, how we have dealt with loss, meeting developmental needs in children, and discipline and punishment.  Saturday marks our 7th week and we will be discussing maintaining family relationships and terminating parental rights.  I am looking forward to the next 3 weeks, I think it will really start to get exciting.  At our last class, the licensing workers will be there to answer all of our questions.  At that point DH and I will have to have a firm grasp and understanding of what exactly we are wanting.  We dont care about the sex of the child, but we definately want an infant, the younger the better.  And we would take sibling groups or singles, and probably 2 children to start out with.  We can always change our mind or if they have 3 siblings that need placement we would consider taking all 3.  I will update as I know more.
In other IF news, I spoke to my doctor about doing our last IUI.  I explained that this would more than likely be our last try and I wanted to do everything possible to increase my chances without costing me thousands of dollars.  We are going to do 200 mg of Clomid daily and do a trigger shot for ovulation.  The previous 2 IUI's were just Clomid, no shots.  I also found a complete box of Menopur leftover from my failed IVF that hasnt expired yet so I am going to ask about taking the Clomid and doing a week of injections of Menopur to increase the size of my follicles. (If that is even possible or not, I am not sure.)

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Where Do We Go From Here

It has been so long since I have posted.  I havent really felt like documenting my feelings.  After our 2nd failed IUI, I am losing hope of being a mom.  We dont have the money for another IVF.  I wish our fertility clinic would have been more upfront with us after DH's surgery and let us know that his swimmers werent swimming.  They werent strong enough to fertilize the egg and make them divide properly.  Had we of known this, we would have went with donor sperm for our IVF.  Now I have no baby and 10K plus in medical bills for our failed attempt.  Our IUI's have been with donor sperm but we havent had any luck.  I need some live sperm people!!!  It's like I want to post an ad in the newspaper for someone to come with us to the clinic and donate but how exactly do you advertise for that!!  We have 1 more vial of donor sperm left to try another IUI but we are losing hope.  I know it only takes one and all that bullshit but we are trying to be realistic.  Trying not to get excited and hopeful to only have another crash landing with emotions.  I cant imagine not being a mom.  That is the only thing I have ever known, ever since I was a child I knew I wanted to be a mom.  Heck, I didnt even care so much about having a husband as I did having a child. 
So now we are left with "what is our next move".  The only thing we can come up with is getting a loan for IVF with donor sperm (and then having to file bankruptcy because we cant pay it back and our other medical bills), living child-free (which seems completely out of the question and so unfair), or possibly foster parenting.  A couple of my friends are foster parents and they said you can foster parent with the possibility to adopt.  All through DCFS and minimal costs.  But what about the emotional cost???  How do you have a child in your home for a certain length of time and then have it ripped away?  That seems unbearable...  I have been doing alot of research and reading alot of blogs.  So if anyone has any feedback or advice, feel free to give it.  Just please be gentle, my heart is already broken.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

2nd round IUI BFN

I havent blogged for a long time.  I havent really been up to it.  But just for my records, we did our 2nd IUI and got another BFN.  Insemination was May 12, 2011 and AF arrived on May 27, 2011.

So, in 5 months, we have endured IVF-BFN
and 2 IUI with donor sperm- BFN

Monday, May 9, 2011

Problem with Blogger?

For the past 4 days, under my profile where it used to list the blogs I follow, it is all blank now.  It says that I am not following anyone.  So I have gone to blogs that I follow, and try to follow again (thinking somehow things got deleted) and it wont let me.  It says I am already following them.  But it isnt showing up in my reader.  Help!!!  Anyone else having that problem?

Monday, April 25, 2011

BFN

Guess I will test in a few days again.  I have 6 days before my scheduled period.  But today is 14dpDIUI.


***UPDATE***  AF arrived this afternoon.  Guess it is round 2 for us starting today.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Tomorrow is the day

Tomorrow is the pregnancy test.  Hoping for the best, but trying to prepare myself for the worst.  Hurts too bad to get my hopes up.  Have been having cramps like crazy for past few days.  Better not be the B**CH AF!! lol

For my records:  Had progesterone check done on 4-18-11  9.9  Nurse said that was good.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Donor IUI- DH and I were both patients!!!

OK, I will tell you a funny story but I have to go in order of events, so bear with me.  We arrived around 11 for insemination.  After about 45 min, we were taken back into a room.  The nurse went over all the paperwork and legal business.  I verified the tube with the donor number, my name and doctors name.  She stated that pre-wash it had a count of 40 million. Post wash 10.6.  I was a little disappointed in the number, but trying to stay positive and know it only takes 1.  Things are very different this time around. For example- I go in one week from today for a progesterone check, then the following Monday I take a home pregnancy test.  No blood draw to see if pregnant.  That is weird for me. 
Next I assume the position on the table, feet in stirrups. DH stands up by my head and is holding my hand.  My mom came along to for the experience so she is holding my other hand.  She inserts the speculum and sure enough, my cervix is being difficult again.  She cant get to it to move it and insert the catheter.  She tries for about 3-4 minutes.  I am keeping my eyes shut and trying to relax and focus on my breathing.  Then I realize hubby isn't holding my hand anymore.  I start to move my hand thinking maybe they just came un-connected, but nothing.  So I open my eyes and poor hubby is leaning against the wall, eyes closed, white as a ghost!!  I ask him if he is OK and he doesn't respond.  That gets the nurses attention and she realizes he is about to pass out.  We had all been pre-occupied with my lady parts no one was paying attention to him.  So she stops what she is doing and tries to help him to a chair.  He stumbles and I am worried he will fall on me.  I can't move because I am still spread open with mechanical devices hanging out of me.  He finally gets to the chair and puts his head between his legs.  The nurse comes back to me, but by then I no longer have my inner calm.  I can't relax and it is making her job very difficult.  She tries for still another 5 min or so and then tells me it isn't working and she has to get a doctor and they will use this tool to "pop" open my cervix to move it to put in the catheter.  UMM NO THANK YOU!!  They stated I would feel a pinch from the inside.  So now I am even more jittery.  Between watching my poor hubby and knowing I am going to get pinched from the inside, I start to shake. Bad.  Doctor comes in and I ask her to try once without the tool.  She pushed and finally got it in without using the dreaded tool, but she wasn't very gentle.  Oh well, at least no pinch on the inside.  The inch of 10.6 million sperm goes inside of me in less than 5 seconds or so and she starts taking out all the goods.  I lay on the table for about 15 min and both hubby and I make our way out.  Glad that is over!!!  Now the 2WW.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Morning of the Happy Face

This morning I got my smiley face on my OPK.  So that means tomorrow I will be down in St Louis bright and early for my IUI with donor sperm.  So excited!!!!  I had been trying to stay busy and not focus too much on my BFN I got doing IVF with DH's sperm.  It about killed me.  I am much more easy going this time around, havent been reading everything under the sun and definitely havent gotten completely consumed in this.  (not sure if that is a bad thing or a good thing) Ha.  My hubby may think that is a good thing cuz I am sure I am not as much of a Bitch as I was during injectibles. LOL.  But honestly, I am super stoked about starting something again tomorrow.  I was wishing my smiley face I got this morning would have been on a home pregnancy test and not my OPK, but I will take what I can get at this point.  So, pray for me that I will be one of the lucky ones and get preggo on my first IUI!!!!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

AF is here

So, I started my period today. Tomorrow I call WU and then tuesday I will begin Clomid, then April 5th I start my OPK's.  Hopefully I have everything calculated right.  Maybe I will be one of the lucky ones where my first IUI will work????   Fingers crossed

Friday, March 18, 2011

The package has been bought

Just a quick note, or more like a notation for myself, but I bought the donor sperm today.  Should arrive by tuesday at WU.  So, I just wait for my next period, then 10 days after that, I start my OPK's.  Then within a few days, I will have my first insemination.  Wish me luck!!

Friday, March 4, 2011

HSG- All Clear

Today I had my HSG at the local hospital.  Good news is that everything was all clear.  No blockage.  So that is really good news.  It was pretty uncomfortable and only seems to get worse when they tell you to relax. I mean how exactly are you supposed to relax with your who-ha up in the air for everyone to see and all that equipment hanging out of you and them pushing on your insides!!  But I got through it and glad it is over and that I got good news.  Now, I just have to come up with the money to buy the donor sperm.  Not sure if I will be doing and end of March cycle or April.  Stupid farmers almanac says we are to get 30 inches of snow in middle of March so I may wait till April just because I dont want to be stuck in St Louis again like I was for my egg retrieval for IVF.  I think DH and I have our donor selection narrowed down to about 2 or 3.  So that is a relief.  Hope they are great little swimmers and can make me a baby ( or two). lol

Friday, February 25, 2011

Going Sperm Shopping

I had my phone consult with my doctor today to see if she has any idea what went wrong with my cycle.  She says I responded well to the medication, (which I dont believe) and I had great looking eggs.  The problem was when they added my husbands frozen sperm.  She stated they werent great.  Even at my 3 day transfer, I only had a 4 cell, and two 3 cell embryos.  One of the three cell embryos that they didnt implant, didnt grow at all anymore, and she didnt have much hope for the other two that were implanted.  She said we could do IVF again, but we dont have the money for that.  I was lucky enough to have some fertility insurance coverage but it got maxxed out before even this cycle was done and I owe them a bunch of money.  She wants me to have a HSG first, just to rule out any problems, which she said she doesnt foresee. Then she suggested IUI with donor sperm.  Said it usually takes 4-6 cycles to achieve a pregnancy since there is usually just a 20% chance every month to get pregnant.  I would be on clomid and use an LH kit to test for ovulation, then go in for insemination.  Then the dreaded 2WW.  It just all makes me nervous.  I mean, if it takes several cycles, then I am not sure if I can go through getting BFN's.  It might be more than I can bear.  And how do you even begin to shop for a baby daddy???  I know about searching for someone with same hair, eye, build and ethnic background and all of that, but how about everything else???  How do you one day tell your kid that your dad, isn't really your dad???   But the doctor said that is about the only way for us to have a child without IVF, so I guess that is the plan.  I am thinking this shopping experience is going to be much harder than buying a purse!!

If anyone has any suggestions or has been through this process or had an HSG, please feel free to let me know.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Monday, February 14, 2011

Surviving the 2WW poem

I found this online in a chat forum and thought I would share with you all.

Surviving The Two Week Wait




Oh I must survive the 'Two Week Wait',
To see what will be, what is our fate.
It should not be bad, I'll keep busy with lots,
At least it's better than all those darn shots!

Day 1 I'll go for a nice calming walk,
And with my DH try not to talk
About kids and plans and names and such,
And try not to get our hopes up too too too much.

Day 2 Ahh, for today, I'll do some nice light cleaning,
And try not to think and keep myself from seeing,
Everyone around me with their cute babies,
And try to stop the incessant 'maybes'.

Day 3 with the In-Laws we'll dine,
Who don't know what's up, think everything is fine.
"No, thank you, I'll pass, I won't have the wine."
Stop looking at me, Mother-in-Law! No, it's not a sign!

Day 4 I'll look at my closet again,
Maybe a quick clean, then onto the den,
You know a crib would look great right over there,
Wait! Stop thinking about that, it just isn't fair!

Day 5, good grief! Will this day never end?
Where is my phone, can I call a friend?
And was that a twinge, or just anticipation?
Or am I one of those women who can actually feel implantation?

Day 6 I'm fine, I'm not going mad
But I keep looking at my dear husband, trying to see a Dad.
I have to keep busy, keep my mind occupied,
On trivial things, not what maybe happening inside!

Day 7, oh JOY, oh bliss, we are half way there!
No, I'm not obsessing, I haven't a care,
The first week flew by, I could hardly even tell,
And if you believe that I have a Bridge I can sell...

Day 8, Wait, are my breasts sore tonight?
Or, did I just wear my new bra too tight?
Am I feeling sick, nausea in the morning?
Or was that old expiration date actually a good warning?

Day 9, day 9, everything is fine!
Its not that I'm edgy, I SAID I WAS FINE!
Sorry, I did not mean to snap, but my temper is quick,
Is tomorrow too early to pee on a stick?

Day 10, For one day I'd just like to forget,
Not go crazy with days, my mind to reset.
A good friend she told me, "Remember, try not to dwell!"
Oh give me a break, this two weeks... umm, *Aint swell*!

Day 11, Well what to do, maybe I'll clean again?
Oops, my closet is empty and I blew up the den.
OK, I'll watch some TV to take my mind off the maybes
WHY DOES EVERY STATION ONLY PLAY "SHE'S HAVING A BABY?"

Day 12, good grief, I don't know how I will cope,
I want to be optimistic, to have some hope,
But I am afraid of disappointment, of again this not being the time,
If someone could make days fly, I'll give my last dime!

Day 13 is supposed to be Lucky, they say
Personally I wish it would just go away,
I am done with watching the days crawl by,
I hate all this waiting, too long have we tried.

Day 14, Wait, what? It's finally here?
Today we find out if a baby is near?
Umm, wait, now I don't know if I really want the real truth
I kind-of liked day-dreaming, but betas the proof!

So now it's off to the bathroom I go,
So far so good, I don't see Aunt Flow.
I open the package, pee and it will tell our fate,
Oh dear, now how do I survive this TWO MINUTE WAIT???

S. Hamilton
October 2, 2010

Monday, February 7, 2011

1dp3dt-PIO shot

Today was an ok day.  Trying to keep my focus.  I just wish I knew what was going on inside my uterus.  Is the embryo dividing and growing?  Am I still pregnant?  I am positive and praying and just hoping that is enough.  Had the best nights sleep last night that I have had in a long time.  Then lounged on the couch, ate lunch, then back to bed I went.  Then I had a bad dream, woke up with a mild panic attack, and since then been feeling a little sick to my stomach.  Hoping it is the little one in there making itself comfy. :-)  I know this 2ww is going to be the longest 2 weeks of my entire life!!!
On other news, I wanted to post about tonight's PIO shot.  I was terrified going into this about the IM shots.  They haven't been bad.  A few have hurt a little, but nothing I can't handle.  I have been numbing the area and trying to warm up the syringe to thin out the oil.  Tonight, I numbed for about 15 minutes.  Also, I drew up the oil in the syringe and held it under my armpit for about 20 min.  Then it was showtime.  I have to say, I barely felt it tonight.  I even questioned my hubby as to whether or not he pushed the medicine in.  So hopefully, I have found the magic protocol for PIO shots.  Try it girls.  Hoping tomorrow goes as smoothly.....

Sunday, February 6, 2011

PUPO!!!

Today was transfer day. I arrived way early again, as usual.  I just couldnt bear getting a phone call this morning saying none of them made it.  So I thought I will just go and make them give me someone's embies if mine were not ok. LOL Just kidding.  All 3 made it.  I was set for 9am.  Dr. Emily stated that I had a 4 cell with 10% fragmentation, a 3 cell with 20% fragmentation and another 3 cell with 30% fragmentation.  I have to admit, I was pretty upset with the number of cells.  But she assured me that she has seen pregnancy come from 4 cells and also, if the transfer would have been later in the day, there may have been more cells.  She stated that they would only transfer 2.  I stated I wanted 3 but she said with my age they wouldnt do it.  Said implanting the 3rd one wouldn't increase the chance for pregnancy, only the chance for multiples.  I got my first picture of my babies and it was showtime.  We got in our scrubs, then off to the procedure room we went.  This experience was interesting.  Not really painfull per se, just weird with being so exposed for a bunch of people to see your business.  They tell you to relax and drop your knees. Ok, hard to relax when this is the single most important thing I have ever done in my life.  My lining measured 13 and the doctor said my uterus was beautiful and perfect.  So we are saying many prayers, hoping for growth of the babies and stickiness so they want to hang out for 9 months.  After being back in the room and talking to the doctor, I mentioned POAS and she definitely said not to do it.  I told her it's just that NOTHING about this process has been normal.  I longed for the day when I could hold a positive stick up to my husband and tell him he is going to be a father again.  I started crying.   Then the doctor laid her hand on my shoulder and sat with me till I could calm down.  Very nice of her!!   After laying on my back for 30 minutes, we were off to the car for our 2 1/2 hour drive home.  This afternoon I have laid on the couch and then laid in my bed for a quick nap.  Now watching SuperBowl with my hubby.  Oh, and I ate a little bit of the core of the pineapple. Chewy and icky.  But I did it.  Now, if I could just get the dang PIO shot to quit hurting when the medicine goes in!!!  lol  We have tried holding it in our hands and even put it between my boobs to warm it up. Helped a bit but not great.  Beta day is Feb 21.  I get to wait an extra day for mine.  15 days!!!  lol   The joy of having transfer day fall on the weekend.   My DH has a saying.  It is : Dont think, just pray.   Please pray for growing embryos and sticky dust.  Heart you all!!!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Transfer set for tomorrow morning

I am supposed to go in the morning for my transfer.  Praying so hard that my 3 little snowbabies are growing and dividing like they should.  Planning on transferring all 3.

Question for you ladies- is there anything you ate or didnt eat, or did or didnt do, that helped for implantation?  Any words of advice or wisdom??
I heard the bit about the pineapple, will prob try that!

Friday, February 4, 2011

Fertilization Report

Out of 9 eggs, only 7 were mature.  Only 3 fertilized normally.  Transfer set for Sunday at 900am

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Egg Retrieval

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

We Got...

..
...
...

9 EGGS!!!  Booya!!! 
All grade 4 and 3 eggs.  Best there are.  Doctor even told me that she wished that everyone had as good of eggs as I did. Although I made her dig for them. lol  Apparently my right ovary was hiding behind my uterus so when they pushed it forward, I had more follicles than was originally thought.   I couldn't be happier.  I pray that DH's sperm and my egg play nicely today and we achieve a pregnancy!!  We are tentatively set for a Sunday transfer.

Today we got to the clinic at about 745 am, they were running a little late and didn't start doing anything till about 8:30.  Doctor started my IV, which was a little weird because he stuck me with a needle of numbing medicine then did the IV.  I could have handled having just the 1 needle stick of the IV, but I guess they don't do it that way.  I had a slight temp of 99.7 and the nurse was a little concerned.  Which in turn, made me upset.  Lord, I don't need any other problems.  But doctor wasn't concerned at all and said the trigger shot can raise your temp so all systems were a go!!  I was then taken back into the procedure room.  The anesthesiologist got me all hooked up with the oxygen and then strapped my arms down.  I didn't like that at all!!  I remember them putting my left leg up in the stirrups and then I remember nothing after that. I guess my blood pressure went a little high, but after awhile it all came down.  I had to stay around until I could eat, drink and pee then I was outta there. I think I got discharged about 11:15 or so.  First PIO was easy. I was expecting it to be much worse.  So, they are to call me tomorrow with the first fertilization report.  Pray for good news!!

On a side note, my DH and I pulled up at home to approx 2 foot drift of snow that had our driveway completely shut down.  Nice!!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

It's Official, prepping for ER

I just got the call.  E2 is 1453 and I have 8 measurable follicles.  I trigger tonight at 8:30pm with a retrieval for Thursday morning at 8:30am.  Very nervous about the big needle.

Any words of advice???

Monday, January 31, 2011

Very Quick Update

Prayers worked!!!  I have 6 follicles today and e2 was 1053.  I go back in the morning for another ultrasound and bloodwork and then trigger tomorrow night.  ER is scheduled for Thursday morning.  St Louis is to have an inch of ice and anywhere from 8-12 inches for snow. (Which is better than back at home, which is forecasted up to 20 inches of snow.)  Hopefully roads are driveable. Wish me luck!!!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Not Liking The Roller Coaster...........

Man, it feels like forever since I have posted and ALOT has happened.  This will be a long post, just fyi. When I last left off, my E2 was 70 on Monday.  I went in for bloodwork on Wednesday and it was only 99.  The nurse told me that I would be back in STL Friday and Saturday.  She stated that it was good that they went up, but should have went up alot more. And if it didn't, my cycle would be cancelled.  So they increased my Follistim back up and was told to relax.  Ya Right!!!  I was bawling all night.  Between the small increase in E2 and the 6 hours round trip drive, I was feeling defeated and I wanted to crawl in a hole.  Well, my DH saw how upset I was and told me he was taking Friday off work and we would leave Thur evening and go to STL and spend 2 nights!!  I was so happy.  I needed him more than I realized.  I prayed a bunch, and cried a bunch, then tried to remain optimistic.  I went in Friday morning for bloodwork then got the call Friday afternoon my level went up to 271!!!  So we are back in the game!!!  I bawled tears of joy on the phone with the nurse.  Then she told me to come back in the morning for more bloodwork and an ultrasound. YAY, my first ultrasound since stimming. 
Well, I just got the call from the clinic.  I have 4 measurable follicles, E2 is 457.  They said if I don't have more measurable on Monday they will cancel my cycle.  Bring on the devastation AGAIN.  And to top it all off, my insurance people and pharmacy are being huge buttholes about refilling my Menopur.  I was taking 2 vials a night and now up to 3 vials.  And I am ordering and having it mailed to me because the town I live in doesn't have a specialty pharmacy.  So as it stands right now, I am down 1 vial for tonight.  And don't have any for Monday. So, I get to drive to STL to pick up 1 vial.  yippee skippee. 
*This was all typed out Saturday but I was so upset so I went to bed*
Now today (Sunday) I wake up to find out that my town is supposed to get 10-15inches of snow on Tuesday into Wednesday which is going to make my travels plans VERY hazardous.  I may just have to move to STL.  I am feeling so defeated, all I want to do is cry and crawl in a hole.  I don't know if all this is God testing me to see how badly I want this or if these are all signs to stop on this journey.  I don't know, but I am beside myself! And I know I can't take much more.  Any prayers you ladies could spare would be appreciated.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

I Got My First Awards!!!



I got my very first blogging awards today and I couldn't be happier or more surprised.  It means so much that I have a few followers who enjoy reading about my journey.  I want to thank Alyssa at Crossing My Fingers But Not My Legs and Andrea at Palm Trees & Rainy Days so much for these awards!!  Alyssa- you have been with me during this journey and have given me such good advice.  You are always there for me when I need a pick-me-up and always know just the right thing to say.  Andrea- Your comments have meant alot to me.  I know our blogging time together has been short, but I am looking forward to a long *friendship*

Now it's my turn to give these two awards to a few blogs that I have been reading and am loving-

Rules for accepting this award:
1. Thank and Link back to the person who awarded you the award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 15 other bloggers the award.
4. Contact bloggers and let them know about the award and that they received it

So, 7 things about me:
1. My husband and I actually went to grade school together but met online in Jan 09.  We have only been together 2 years.
2. I am addicted to purses and pajamas.
3. If I could get all of my family and friends to move with me to a warmer area, I would be gone.
4. I have a 2000 Pontiac Grand Am that only has 53,000 miles on it. Can you say I am boring and never go anywhere!!!  lol
5. My family and friends mean more to me than I can put into words and I love spending time with them.
6. My husband and I recently started going back to church.  We have successfully made it for I believe 5 weeks in a row
7. I am a 911 Dispatcher and you would be SHOCKED at some of the things I have heard.

Now for the blogs that I am nominating for these awards. (in no particular order)
1. Adam and Julia
2. From Mrs. to Mama
3. A Journey to Forever
4. Banking on it
5. Diary of taking small steps towards baby steps
6. Everyday Blessings
7. Dish Baby
8. Our Miracle in the Making...A Great Joy is Coming
9. Plans Change
10. The Subfertile Frugalista
11.  Welcome To
12. Trying for a Baby
13. The Hendricksons
14. Stealing Baby Kisses
15. The Diddle Martins

OK girls, now pass them around!!!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Problems with Menopur

First off, I have to say, that injecting the Menopur is not the problem.  It hasnt burned at all going in. YET.  My problem is the drawing up.  Last night I used the Q-caps.  I had problems getting the exact amount of diluent in the syringe.  The stopper inside, I felt like kept moving, which made it difficult to get the exact 1cc of diluent.
Well tonight, I decided to use the regular needles.  I got the 1cc of diluent drawn up with no problem.  Then I injected the diluent into the powder.  The powder dissolved, but the so did the rest of the liquid.  Wierdest thing!!!  I tried drawing up what little liquid was in there and it was basically a tiny drop.  There was no way that was enough of the meds to inject.  I thought maybe there was a clog in the needle but there wasnt.  I didnt know what else to do.  So I started over completely with new vials and used the Q-caps.  Then everything went smoothly.  But I am out 2 vials of powder.  Which is alot of moolah.  I called the pharmacy and talked to the tech and she said that she has heard of that happening and suggested I call the manufacturer.  There might have been a problem with the actual vial or powder.  I put in a call to Ferring and am waiting for a call back.  Hoping for a reimbursement but who knows.

Anyone else had similar problems????

3 Shots A Night.... Oi vey!!!

I had an appointment in STL this morning (Monday) for blood work.  I drove down last night (Sunday) due to the amount of snow and freezing rain they were to get.  Woke up at 4am, couldn't sleep, so I proceeded to keep myself glued to the news and weather.   Black ice.  GREAT!!!  Took me about 45 min to get to the clinic on what should have been about a 20 min drive.  In and out of the clinic in 5 minutes.  Then I made my 2 1/2 hour trek home.  I wish I lived closer or could do blood work here in my hometown.  The driving is gonna wear me down I can tell.  Well, I got the call from Amy, the nurse, about 130pm.  My E2 went up to 70.  She said that was good but not great.  They were hoping for it to be a little higher. (Last Wed it was 29).  So they are decreasing my Follistim from 225iu to 150 iu for Monday and Tuesday and adding in 150iu of Menopur.  Great, double dose of the horror medicine Menopur right off the bat.  Not the way I was hoping to start my 3 injections a night.   So, 6pm came and I got the Lupron and Follistim done with no problem.  Then the trouble started.  Was watching my video on how to draw up the Menopur and was having trouble with the liquid and getting the right amount of the diluent in the syringe.  I was already a basket case so that didn't help at all!!!  Then I get to the point of drawing up the extra vial of powder.  Now, I begin wondering if I was to draw up 2 ML of diluent first instead of just 1 since I was using 2 vials of powder??? I couldn't find the answer anywhere.  So I finally decided to call the pharmacy.  They stated I did it correctly by only drawing up 1 ML since it is a sub-q injection.  The medicine part is actually the powder.  So, I injected it into my belly and pushed in the meds VERY slowly.  Didn't hurt really at all.  Afterwards I noticed I had a little bit of liquid still left in the vial. A tiny bit, I hope that was ok.  If I am paying a small fortune for this, I want all the drug.  Last night during my Lupron shot, I got my first bruise.  Wondering if my stomach is finally getting ticked at me and gonna start bruising now.  I go back to STL on Wednesday for just blood work again, then prob back Friday for blood work and ultrasound, then possibly back Saturday.  Yikes, I am drained just thinking about it.  I have to admit, up until yesterday, I was thinking the whole process was fairly easy, now today I am a wreck.  I think the meds are catching up with me.  I feel like I am going to bawl my eyes out at any given moment and plus getting the results today that my E2 isn't as high as it should be is really bothering me.  I know it is so early in my cycle, but I am terrified.  This HAS to work.  It is our ONLY chance at kids.  We wont have the money to do it again.  Thank God tonight is my last night at work until Feb 9th, I will need that time to get through this.

Question for all you ladies-  Every time I inject a drug, I always leave the needle in my belly for at least 5 seconds after the injection before I pull it out.  Well about the last 4 days or so, some of the drug is coming out on my belly.  Is this normal?  How do I keep it from happening??  HELP!!!!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

We have started stimming.......

Well, tonight we have started stimming.  I have to say, it went better than I expected.  I almost forgot about lowering my Lupron dose from 20 to 10.  Been doing 20 for so long!! lol  Well, I watched the injection video on how to inject Follistim and was kinda nervous since I heard that it has been nicknamed Follisting.  I got everything ready to go, did my Lupron and then my Follistim.  I actually didn't even feel the needle going in during the Follistim.  Medicine didn't bother me either.  However I did notice that after about 2 minutes, my belly kinda ached.  Nothing horrible though and definitely manageable.  Tonight and tomorrow I continue the same regimen of 10 Lupron and 225 Follistim and then back to STL on Monday for blood work.  Kinda dreading that cuz it is a 2 1/2 hour drive each way for a probably 5 minute appointment and the weather is to be crappy.  May try to go down Sunday night and spend the night but not sure yet.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

A Confession & A First Meeting

I have a confession.  I made a baby purchase yesterday while at Target.  I wanted something baby that I could put with my nightly routine of prayers and shots.  But I told myself I would only buy something if it were perfect.  I looked for the typical "I love mommy or I love daddy" things but they only came in pink and blue.  I didnt want something gender specific.  Well, I was searching throught the many bibs and found this:

Not sure if you can read it or not, but it says "Star of Mommy's Blog".  There it was, exactly what I was looking for.  I bought it and a pair of itsy bitsy white socks.  I couldnt resist.  I hope I didnt jinx myself.  I just really wanted something to pray with.

I got the chance to meet Alyssa at Crossing My Fingers But Not My Legs.  We go to the same clinic, just different doctors.  We met up in Chesterfield, MO at Mimi's Cafe'.  It was delish!!!  Very good food, very good company.  I had a blast.  She is sooooo sweet and wonderful.  And she has been so great during this difficult time.  She just went through her first IVF and was sweet enough to share her ENTIRE experience with me and I will be forever greatful.  I hope we have many more meetings and continue our friendship.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

SHHH!!! My Ovaries Are Sleeping

Today was my first appointment since I started injections.  Ovaries are all quiet, which is exactly what we wanted.  Was a little nervous during the scan because the tech was prodding around with the Dildo Cam and asked if they have trouble finding my right ovary.  UMM, NO!!!!   Finally after some more pressure, she located it.  "Oh, it was just hiding," she states.  Dont do that to an infertile!!!  I was wondering if the Lupron had done away with my ovary.  Thank Goodness she found it. LOL 
Anyways, I got the call this afternoon my bloodwork came back great.  So we are set to start stimming on Friday.  Today and tomorrow I continue with 20 units Lupron.  Friday, DH and I both take our antibiotic, then I decrease Lupron to 10 units for the remainder of my cycle and add in 225iu of Follistim.  That continues over the weekend, the back to STL for bloodwork monday morning.  Then monday night should be adding the dreaded Menopur that I have heard everyone talking about.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Lupron Bleed is Here!!!

Just a quick note to jot down more for myself, but I got my Lupron bleed last night, the 14th.  Thank the Lord.  So, as long as everything goes well on Wednesday at my appt, I should be ready to start stimming on the 21st.  I guess I better hold on tight, I think this will be one hell of a ride!!!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Trucking Right Along

Tonight was my 8th shot of Lupron.  Everything has been pretty smooth sailing, so far.  Tonight's was a little different.  It kinda hurt going in and then the meds stung a bit.  I am wondering if my belly is just starting to get a little tender.  But no bruising, yet.  Just bloated.  But have started wearing stretch pants instead of my jeans to work and that has helped.  I think that the meds are starting to catch up with me.  I am not a morning person at all, and I dont want to be talked to for at least 30 min to 1 hour after I wake up.  Well, I had to be at work early tonight and didnt sleep well today, so I slept till the last few minutes.  Got up, got in the shower and then DH decided to come in the bathroom and talk to me while I was in the shower.  Not a good move on his part.  I bit his head off.  Not 100% sure if it was the meds or just my general crabbiness. Oh well, he is a good man and just shrugged it off.  Just waiting now till wednesday the 19th.  Appointment in St Louis.  Meeting my first blogger friend afterwards for lunch.  Looking forward to that!!!
When did you all get your Lupron bleed?  And was it noticeable?
Guess if I get that, I will start stimming on the 21st.  The more I think about it, the more terrified I get.  I can't believe the amount of shots and bruising and everything. I know I will make it through it.  But I am convinced this will be the hardest thing I will ever do in my life.  And that freaks me the hell out.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Questions....

After you started Lupron, how many days before you felt side effects and also what were they???  My tummy is a little tender, kinda feels like hunger pains and makes me feel like I just want to eat, but can't hardly eat.  Few bites and I am done.
Last night was my 4th night of injections.  Like all my bloggie friends said, they are going smoothly.  Not bothering me really at all now.    Thinking that the Follistim and Menopur I will be taking will be worse.  I mean, how exactly did your body feel when you started stimming???

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Tonight was MUCH Better

Tonight's Lupron shot went much better than last night.  Total time from start to finish was 4 minutes.  And I didnt lose any drug when I pulled the needle out of the vial.  And no bruising, yet.  So maybe, just maybe, I might be getting the hang of this. LOL  I am just so stinking excited to be finally doing something.  6pm-7pm is my new favorite time of the day.

- P.S.  Alyssa, I just stuck it!!!!  lol

Friday, January 7, 2011

It's All Mind Over Matter

Well, last night I had my first ever injection in my stomach. Lupron 20 units.  I am to continue that same dose until my doctors appointment on the 19th and then hopefully start stimming.  For those of you that don't know, I work midnights at my job so I sleep in the daytime.  So my shot time of 6pm-7pm is sometimes less than ideal.  For this first shot, I had my husband wake me up at 530pm so I had plenty of time to wake up, watch the video a couple times, take my pictures with my drugs and set everything up.  I thought that would be the perfect allotment of time so that I didn't have too much time to freak out.  I was pretty calm, just kept telling myself I could do it, lots of women do it and this is what it takes to make a baby.  Got everything done and was sitting at table at 5:57pm.  OK, almost time.  Had my trusty laptop in front of me and all my necessities.  DH is videotaping and taking pictures.  I was very thorough, watching video and pausing, following my instructions, watching video, then pausing again.  So I have the ampule inverted, needle in, drug in needle, no air bubbles, pull out the needle and SQUIRT. Bunch of drug drains out. WTF, that doesn't happen in the video.  It is NOT supposed to happen like that.  I see my dollars laying on the table.  If I thought I could lick it up and it would work, I would have done it.  OK, minor freak out.  Continue with instructions, re-cap needle, swab belly, wait for it to dry, pick up needle, pull cap off, pinch fat roll, get ready to inject and then I FREEZE.  I still can't believe I am doing this.  Or that I have to do this.  I kid you not, I held that needle in my hand for 12 minutes.  DH is talking to me, being supportive and I tell him to stop talking. Nice huh.  I just needed quiet.  Needed time to think.  But that was the problem, too much thinking and not enough doing.  I start to feel nauseous, hot, like I am gonna be sick.  I start pacing around the room and then finally just go for it.  The piercing of the skin hurt the worse.  The actual needle going in didn't hurt a bit.  I thought the Lupron had a slight sting to it, but not bad.  PRAISE THE LORD I DID IT!!!  My first shot is over.  I sit down in the living room and begin to inspect the area like a mad woman.  It did bleed, went from a tiny bee sting bump to a half dollar size bump and then proceeded to break out in a hive like state.  So, by then I had had enough.  I went back to bed till 9pm, then got up and all is good.  No bump, no redness.  So, I survived my first shot.  I know tomorrow will be easier. (or at least that is what I am telling myself.)  I know what to expect now.  I will be a big girl and suck it up and make my baby!!!
I leave you with the obligatory pictures of my drugs.


Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Mononessa- Oh, how I HATE you

I was on the BCP from about the age of 16 till about 30yrs.  I took Ortho Tri Cyclen and never once had a problem.  Dr. Keller prescribed MonoNessa for me for my pills for this cycle.  Never once did I even think they would affect me any different than the old pills.  Boy, was I so freaking wrong!!!  I have been so sick.  Like terrible stomach pains, nauseous, no appetite.  I work midnights at work so I am taking my pills at about 7pm.  I think I would feel better if I took them in the morning when I get off that way I could just go to sleep. But my doc says between 6pm-7pm.   I think my mind is pissed at me, cuz I take the BCP and my pre-natal.  I think it is making me sick cuz it thinks I am a crazy bitch, like why are you taking the pill and the pre-natal!!!  I am despising this so bad right now.  I start my Lupron on Thursday.  So very nervous and terrified about that.  I mean I know I can do it, thousands of women do it, but the thought of injecting myself in the stomach scares the CRAP out of me.  If anyone has any tips on not making the Lupron so bad, please let me know. I can use all the help I can get.  I will be posting the obligatory picture of the big ole box of drugs soon.  I heart you all, please help.....  lol