Monday, January 31, 2011

Very Quick Update

Prayers worked!!!  I have 6 follicles today and e2 was 1053.  I go back in the morning for another ultrasound and bloodwork and then trigger tomorrow night.  ER is scheduled for Thursday morning.  St Louis is to have an inch of ice and anywhere from 8-12 inches for snow. (Which is better than back at home, which is forecasted up to 20 inches of snow.)  Hopefully roads are driveable. Wish me luck!!!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Not Liking The Roller Coaster...........

Man, it feels like forever since I have posted and ALOT has happened.  This will be a long post, just fyi. When I last left off, my E2 was 70 on Monday.  I went in for bloodwork on Wednesday and it was only 99.  The nurse told me that I would be back in STL Friday and Saturday.  She stated that it was good that they went up, but should have went up alot more. And if it didn't, my cycle would be cancelled.  So they increased my Follistim back up and was told to relax.  Ya Right!!!  I was bawling all night.  Between the small increase in E2 and the 6 hours round trip drive, I was feeling defeated and I wanted to crawl in a hole.  Well, my DH saw how upset I was and told me he was taking Friday off work and we would leave Thur evening and go to STL and spend 2 nights!!  I was so happy.  I needed him more than I realized.  I prayed a bunch, and cried a bunch, then tried to remain optimistic.  I went in Friday morning for bloodwork then got the call Friday afternoon my level went up to 271!!!  So we are back in the game!!!  I bawled tears of joy on the phone with the nurse.  Then she told me to come back in the morning for more bloodwork and an ultrasound. YAY, my first ultrasound since stimming. 
Well, I just got the call from the clinic.  I have 4 measurable follicles, E2 is 457.  They said if I don't have more measurable on Monday they will cancel my cycle.  Bring on the devastation AGAIN.  And to top it all off, my insurance people and pharmacy are being huge buttholes about refilling my Menopur.  I was taking 2 vials a night and now up to 3 vials.  And I am ordering and having it mailed to me because the town I live in doesn't have a specialty pharmacy.  So as it stands right now, I am down 1 vial for tonight.  And don't have any for Monday. So, I get to drive to STL to pick up 1 vial.  yippee skippee. 
*This was all typed out Saturday but I was so upset so I went to bed*
Now today (Sunday) I wake up to find out that my town is supposed to get 10-15inches of snow on Tuesday into Wednesday which is going to make my travels plans VERY hazardous.  I may just have to move to STL.  I am feeling so defeated, all I want to do is cry and crawl in a hole.  I don't know if all this is God testing me to see how badly I want this or if these are all signs to stop on this journey.  I don't know, but I am beside myself! And I know I can't take much more.  Any prayers you ladies could spare would be appreciated.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

I Got My First Awards!!!



I got my very first blogging awards today and I couldn't be happier or more surprised.  It means so much that I have a few followers who enjoy reading about my journey.  I want to thank Alyssa at Crossing My Fingers But Not My Legs and Andrea at Palm Trees & Rainy Days so much for these awards!!  Alyssa- you have been with me during this journey and have given me such good advice.  You are always there for me when I need a pick-me-up and always know just the right thing to say.  Andrea- Your comments have meant alot to me.  I know our blogging time together has been short, but I am looking forward to a long *friendship*

Now it's my turn to give these two awards to a few blogs that I have been reading and am loving-

Rules for accepting this award:
1. Thank and Link back to the person who awarded you the award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 15 other bloggers the award.
4. Contact bloggers and let them know about the award and that they received it

So, 7 things about me:
1. My husband and I actually went to grade school together but met online in Jan 09.  We have only been together 2 years.
2. I am addicted to purses and pajamas.
3. If I could get all of my family and friends to move with me to a warmer area, I would be gone.
4. I have a 2000 Pontiac Grand Am that only has 53,000 miles on it. Can you say I am boring and never go anywhere!!!  lol
5. My family and friends mean more to me than I can put into words and I love spending time with them.
6. My husband and I recently started going back to church.  We have successfully made it for I believe 5 weeks in a row
7. I am a 911 Dispatcher and you would be SHOCKED at some of the things I have heard.

Now for the blogs that I am nominating for these awards. (in no particular order)
1. Adam and Julia
2. From Mrs. to Mama
3. A Journey to Forever
4. Banking on it
5. Diary of taking small steps towards baby steps
6. Everyday Blessings
7. Dish Baby
8. Our Miracle in the Making...A Great Joy is Coming
9. Plans Change
10. The Subfertile Frugalista
11.  Welcome To
12. Trying for a Baby
13. The Hendricksons
14. Stealing Baby Kisses
15. The Diddle Martins

OK girls, now pass them around!!!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Problems with Menopur

First off, I have to say, that injecting the Menopur is not the problem.  It hasnt burned at all going in. YET.  My problem is the drawing up.  Last night I used the Q-caps.  I had problems getting the exact amount of diluent in the syringe.  The stopper inside, I felt like kept moving, which made it difficult to get the exact 1cc of diluent.
Well tonight, I decided to use the regular needles.  I got the 1cc of diluent drawn up with no problem.  Then I injected the diluent into the powder.  The powder dissolved, but the so did the rest of the liquid.  Wierdest thing!!!  I tried drawing up what little liquid was in there and it was basically a tiny drop.  There was no way that was enough of the meds to inject.  I thought maybe there was a clog in the needle but there wasnt.  I didnt know what else to do.  So I started over completely with new vials and used the Q-caps.  Then everything went smoothly.  But I am out 2 vials of powder.  Which is alot of moolah.  I called the pharmacy and talked to the tech and she said that she has heard of that happening and suggested I call the manufacturer.  There might have been a problem with the actual vial or powder.  I put in a call to Ferring and am waiting for a call back.  Hoping for a reimbursement but who knows.

Anyone else had similar problems????

3 Shots A Night.... Oi vey!!!

I had an appointment in STL this morning (Monday) for blood work.  I drove down last night (Sunday) due to the amount of snow and freezing rain they were to get.  Woke up at 4am, couldn't sleep, so I proceeded to keep myself glued to the news and weather.   Black ice.  GREAT!!!  Took me about 45 min to get to the clinic on what should have been about a 20 min drive.  In and out of the clinic in 5 minutes.  Then I made my 2 1/2 hour trek home.  I wish I lived closer or could do blood work here in my hometown.  The driving is gonna wear me down I can tell.  Well, I got the call from Amy, the nurse, about 130pm.  My E2 went up to 70.  She said that was good but not great.  They were hoping for it to be a little higher. (Last Wed it was 29).  So they are decreasing my Follistim from 225iu to 150 iu for Monday and Tuesday and adding in 150iu of Menopur.  Great, double dose of the horror medicine Menopur right off the bat.  Not the way I was hoping to start my 3 injections a night.   So, 6pm came and I got the Lupron and Follistim done with no problem.  Then the trouble started.  Was watching my video on how to draw up the Menopur and was having trouble with the liquid and getting the right amount of the diluent in the syringe.  I was already a basket case so that didn't help at all!!!  Then I get to the point of drawing up the extra vial of powder.  Now, I begin wondering if I was to draw up 2 ML of diluent first instead of just 1 since I was using 2 vials of powder??? I couldn't find the answer anywhere.  So I finally decided to call the pharmacy.  They stated I did it correctly by only drawing up 1 ML since it is a sub-q injection.  The medicine part is actually the powder.  So, I injected it into my belly and pushed in the meds VERY slowly.  Didn't hurt really at all.  Afterwards I noticed I had a little bit of liquid still left in the vial. A tiny bit, I hope that was ok.  If I am paying a small fortune for this, I want all the drug.  Last night during my Lupron shot, I got my first bruise.  Wondering if my stomach is finally getting ticked at me and gonna start bruising now.  I go back to STL on Wednesday for just blood work again, then prob back Friday for blood work and ultrasound, then possibly back Saturday.  Yikes, I am drained just thinking about it.  I have to admit, up until yesterday, I was thinking the whole process was fairly easy, now today I am a wreck.  I think the meds are catching up with me.  I feel like I am going to bawl my eyes out at any given moment and plus getting the results today that my E2 isn't as high as it should be is really bothering me.  I know it is so early in my cycle, but I am terrified.  This HAS to work.  It is our ONLY chance at kids.  We wont have the money to do it again.  Thank God tonight is my last night at work until Feb 9th, I will need that time to get through this.

Question for all you ladies-  Every time I inject a drug, I always leave the needle in my belly for at least 5 seconds after the injection before I pull it out.  Well about the last 4 days or so, some of the drug is coming out on my belly.  Is this normal?  How do I keep it from happening??  HELP!!!!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

We have started stimming.......

Well, tonight we have started stimming.  I have to say, it went better than I expected.  I almost forgot about lowering my Lupron dose from 20 to 10.  Been doing 20 for so long!! lol  Well, I watched the injection video on how to inject Follistim and was kinda nervous since I heard that it has been nicknamed Follisting.  I got everything ready to go, did my Lupron and then my Follistim.  I actually didn't even feel the needle going in during the Follistim.  Medicine didn't bother me either.  However I did notice that after about 2 minutes, my belly kinda ached.  Nothing horrible though and definitely manageable.  Tonight and tomorrow I continue the same regimen of 10 Lupron and 225 Follistim and then back to STL on Monday for blood work.  Kinda dreading that cuz it is a 2 1/2 hour drive each way for a probably 5 minute appointment and the weather is to be crappy.  May try to go down Sunday night and spend the night but not sure yet.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

A Confession & A First Meeting

I have a confession.  I made a baby purchase yesterday while at Target.  I wanted something baby that I could put with my nightly routine of prayers and shots.  But I told myself I would only buy something if it were perfect.  I looked for the typical "I love mommy or I love daddy" things but they only came in pink and blue.  I didnt want something gender specific.  Well, I was searching throught the many bibs and found this:

Not sure if you can read it or not, but it says "Star of Mommy's Blog".  There it was, exactly what I was looking for.  I bought it and a pair of itsy bitsy white socks.  I couldnt resist.  I hope I didnt jinx myself.  I just really wanted something to pray with.

I got the chance to meet Alyssa at Crossing My Fingers But Not My Legs.  We go to the same clinic, just different doctors.  We met up in Chesterfield, MO at Mimi's Cafe'.  It was delish!!!  Very good food, very good company.  I had a blast.  She is sooooo sweet and wonderful.  And she has been so great during this difficult time.  She just went through her first IVF and was sweet enough to share her ENTIRE experience with me and I will be forever greatful.  I hope we have many more meetings and continue our friendship.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

SHHH!!! My Ovaries Are Sleeping

Today was my first appointment since I started injections.  Ovaries are all quiet, which is exactly what we wanted.  Was a little nervous during the scan because the tech was prodding around with the Dildo Cam and asked if they have trouble finding my right ovary.  UMM, NO!!!!   Finally after some more pressure, she located it.  "Oh, it was just hiding," she states.  Dont do that to an infertile!!!  I was wondering if the Lupron had done away with my ovary.  Thank Goodness she found it. LOL 
Anyways, I got the call this afternoon my bloodwork came back great.  So we are set to start stimming on Friday.  Today and tomorrow I continue with 20 units Lupron.  Friday, DH and I both take our antibiotic, then I decrease Lupron to 10 units for the remainder of my cycle and add in 225iu of Follistim.  That continues over the weekend, the back to STL for bloodwork monday morning.  Then monday night should be adding the dreaded Menopur that I have heard everyone talking about.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Lupron Bleed is Here!!!

Just a quick note to jot down more for myself, but I got my Lupron bleed last night, the 14th.  Thank the Lord.  So, as long as everything goes well on Wednesday at my appt, I should be ready to start stimming on the 21st.  I guess I better hold on tight, I think this will be one hell of a ride!!!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Trucking Right Along

Tonight was my 8th shot of Lupron.  Everything has been pretty smooth sailing, so far.  Tonight's was a little different.  It kinda hurt going in and then the meds stung a bit.  I am wondering if my belly is just starting to get a little tender.  But no bruising, yet.  Just bloated.  But have started wearing stretch pants instead of my jeans to work and that has helped.  I think that the meds are starting to catch up with me.  I am not a morning person at all, and I dont want to be talked to for at least 30 min to 1 hour after I wake up.  Well, I had to be at work early tonight and didnt sleep well today, so I slept till the last few minutes.  Got up, got in the shower and then DH decided to come in the bathroom and talk to me while I was in the shower.  Not a good move on his part.  I bit his head off.  Not 100% sure if it was the meds or just my general crabbiness. Oh well, he is a good man and just shrugged it off.  Just waiting now till wednesday the 19th.  Appointment in St Louis.  Meeting my first blogger friend afterwards for lunch.  Looking forward to that!!!
When did you all get your Lupron bleed?  And was it noticeable?
Guess if I get that, I will start stimming on the 21st.  The more I think about it, the more terrified I get.  I can't believe the amount of shots and bruising and everything. I know I will make it through it.  But I am convinced this will be the hardest thing I will ever do in my life.  And that freaks me the hell out.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Questions....

After you started Lupron, how many days before you felt side effects and also what were they???  My tummy is a little tender, kinda feels like hunger pains and makes me feel like I just want to eat, but can't hardly eat.  Few bites and I am done.
Last night was my 4th night of injections.  Like all my bloggie friends said, they are going smoothly.  Not bothering me really at all now.    Thinking that the Follistim and Menopur I will be taking will be worse.  I mean, how exactly did your body feel when you started stimming???

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Tonight was MUCH Better

Tonight's Lupron shot went much better than last night.  Total time from start to finish was 4 minutes.  And I didnt lose any drug when I pulled the needle out of the vial.  And no bruising, yet.  So maybe, just maybe, I might be getting the hang of this. LOL  I am just so stinking excited to be finally doing something.  6pm-7pm is my new favorite time of the day.

- P.S.  Alyssa, I just stuck it!!!!  lol

Friday, January 7, 2011

It's All Mind Over Matter

Well, last night I had my first ever injection in my stomach. Lupron 20 units.  I am to continue that same dose until my doctors appointment on the 19th and then hopefully start stimming.  For those of you that don't know, I work midnights at my job so I sleep in the daytime.  So my shot time of 6pm-7pm is sometimes less than ideal.  For this first shot, I had my husband wake me up at 530pm so I had plenty of time to wake up, watch the video a couple times, take my pictures with my drugs and set everything up.  I thought that would be the perfect allotment of time so that I didn't have too much time to freak out.  I was pretty calm, just kept telling myself I could do it, lots of women do it and this is what it takes to make a baby.  Got everything done and was sitting at table at 5:57pm.  OK, almost time.  Had my trusty laptop in front of me and all my necessities.  DH is videotaping and taking pictures.  I was very thorough, watching video and pausing, following my instructions, watching video, then pausing again.  So I have the ampule inverted, needle in, drug in needle, no air bubbles, pull out the needle and SQUIRT. Bunch of drug drains out. WTF, that doesn't happen in the video.  It is NOT supposed to happen like that.  I see my dollars laying on the table.  If I thought I could lick it up and it would work, I would have done it.  OK, minor freak out.  Continue with instructions, re-cap needle, swab belly, wait for it to dry, pick up needle, pull cap off, pinch fat roll, get ready to inject and then I FREEZE.  I still can't believe I am doing this.  Or that I have to do this.  I kid you not, I held that needle in my hand for 12 minutes.  DH is talking to me, being supportive and I tell him to stop talking. Nice huh.  I just needed quiet.  Needed time to think.  But that was the problem, too much thinking and not enough doing.  I start to feel nauseous, hot, like I am gonna be sick.  I start pacing around the room and then finally just go for it.  The piercing of the skin hurt the worse.  The actual needle going in didn't hurt a bit.  I thought the Lupron had a slight sting to it, but not bad.  PRAISE THE LORD I DID IT!!!  My first shot is over.  I sit down in the living room and begin to inspect the area like a mad woman.  It did bleed, went from a tiny bee sting bump to a half dollar size bump and then proceeded to break out in a hive like state.  So, by then I had had enough.  I went back to bed till 9pm, then got up and all is good.  No bump, no redness.  So, I survived my first shot.  I know tomorrow will be easier. (or at least that is what I am telling myself.)  I know what to expect now.  I will be a big girl and suck it up and make my baby!!!
I leave you with the obligatory pictures of my drugs.


Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Mononessa- Oh, how I HATE you

I was on the BCP from about the age of 16 till about 30yrs.  I took Ortho Tri Cyclen and never once had a problem.  Dr. Keller prescribed MonoNessa for me for my pills for this cycle.  Never once did I even think they would affect me any different than the old pills.  Boy, was I so freaking wrong!!!  I have been so sick.  Like terrible stomach pains, nauseous, no appetite.  I work midnights at work so I am taking my pills at about 7pm.  I think I would feel better if I took them in the morning when I get off that way I could just go to sleep. But my doc says between 6pm-7pm.   I think my mind is pissed at me, cuz I take the BCP and my pre-natal.  I think it is making me sick cuz it thinks I am a crazy bitch, like why are you taking the pill and the pre-natal!!!  I am despising this so bad right now.  I start my Lupron on Thursday.  So very nervous and terrified about that.  I mean I know I can do it, thousands of women do it, but the thought of injecting myself in the stomach scares the CRAP out of me.  If anyone has any tips on not making the Lupron so bad, please let me know. I can use all the help I can get.  I will be posting the obligatory picture of the big ole box of drugs soon.  I heart you all, please help.....  lol