Sunday, January 30, 2011

Not Liking The Roller Coaster...........

Man, it feels like forever since I have posted and ALOT has happened.  This will be a long post, just fyi. When I last left off, my E2 was 70 on Monday.  I went in for bloodwork on Wednesday and it was only 99.  The nurse told me that I would be back in STL Friday and Saturday.  She stated that it was good that they went up, but should have went up alot more. And if it didn't, my cycle would be cancelled.  So they increased my Follistim back up and was told to relax.  Ya Right!!!  I was bawling all night.  Between the small increase in E2 and the 6 hours round trip drive, I was feeling defeated and I wanted to crawl in a hole.  Well, my DH saw how upset I was and told me he was taking Friday off work and we would leave Thur evening and go to STL and spend 2 nights!!  I was so happy.  I needed him more than I realized.  I prayed a bunch, and cried a bunch, then tried to remain optimistic.  I went in Friday morning for bloodwork then got the call Friday afternoon my level went up to 271!!!  So we are back in the game!!!  I bawled tears of joy on the phone with the nurse.  Then she told me to come back in the morning for more bloodwork and an ultrasound. YAY, my first ultrasound since stimming. 
Well, I just got the call from the clinic.  I have 4 measurable follicles, E2 is 457.  They said if I don't have more measurable on Monday they will cancel my cycle.  Bring on the devastation AGAIN.  And to top it all off, my insurance people and pharmacy are being huge buttholes about refilling my Menopur.  I was taking 2 vials a night and now up to 3 vials.  And I am ordering and having it mailed to me because the town I live in doesn't have a specialty pharmacy.  So as it stands right now, I am down 1 vial for tonight.  And don't have any for Monday. So, I get to drive to STL to pick up 1 vial.  yippee skippee. 
*This was all typed out Saturday but I was so upset so I went to bed*
Now today (Sunday) I wake up to find out that my town is supposed to get 10-15inches of snow on Tuesday into Wednesday which is going to make my travels plans VERY hazardous.  I may just have to move to STL.  I am feeling so defeated, all I want to do is cry and crawl in a hole.  I don't know if all this is God testing me to see how badly I want this or if these are all signs to stop on this journey.  I don't know, but I am beside myself! And I know I can't take much more.  Any prayers you ladies could spare would be appreciated.


  1. Hang in there hun!! IVF cycles are SO emotionally draining. That's part of what makes them so hard.
    I'm glad your DH is so supportive and thought to take Thursday off and go with you. It's so important for the DH's to be part of the full IVF process. Hopefully it will make you even closer than you are now. It sure did for me and my DH. The only good thing about infertility!
    Good luck tomorrow! Sending lots of positive vibes (and follie growing dust) your way!!

  2. Oh Shawna I know how you feel!! I just went this morning for my U/S and only saw 4 follicles too. They told me to come back on Tuesday to talk to the doctor and see what we decide to do. Hopefully by Tuesday I'll have more follicles. It doesn't help that I have a cyst that's getting bigger everyday! But we need to stay positive, everything will turn out fine and soon we'll get to have our babies in our arms. Good luck on your next appointment!!

  3. Lots of prayers being sent your way. Sounds like you have a wonderful DH that is being so very supportive. Lean on him to help you through this. Drive safely in this crazy weather. I'm in KS and it's supposed to be pretty nasty over the next few days.

  4. Prayers for you Shawn and grow follies grow!

  5. I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. I totally understand what you are going through.

    I had a terrible response to my protocol -- zero follicles by day 7, then 3 by day 9. We ended up going ahead with retrieval and got 3 mature eggs. 2 embies made it to day 5, and I'm now almost 12 weeks pregnant.

    You really only need 1 good embryo to have a baby. It makes me furious how so many clinics cancel poor responders instead of giving them a chance. Don't feel hopeless and don't allow your clinic to call the shots if you want to continue.

    Best of luck to you!!

  6. Awww Girlie...I am so sorry you are having such crappy luck:( I will def tell you its not god telling you to give up because with my history and what we have been through we wouldnt be pregnant...Sometimes we just have to go through things to see that happy ending...Why some of have to struggle more than others we will never know but I promise you will get threw this and next week will be better week for you:)

    I cant believe the weather we are supposed to have Crazy my hubs is so freaked out that I will go into labor during the storm...that would be just our luck...

    Keep your head up and know I will be praying for you:)