Thursday, July 28, 2011

Where Do We Go From Here

It has been so long since I have posted.  I havent really felt like documenting my feelings.  After our 2nd failed IUI, I am losing hope of being a mom.  We dont have the money for another IVF.  I wish our fertility clinic would have been more upfront with us after DH's surgery and let us know that his swimmers werent swimming.  They werent strong enough to fertilize the egg and make them divide properly.  Had we of known this, we would have went with donor sperm for our IVF.  Now I have no baby and 10K plus in medical bills for our failed attempt.  Our IUI's have been with donor sperm but we havent had any luck.  I need some live sperm people!!!  It's like I want to post an ad in the newspaper for someone to come with us to the clinic and donate but how exactly do you advertise for that!!  We have 1 more vial of donor sperm left to try another IUI but we are losing hope.  I know it only takes one and all that bullshit but we are trying to be realistic.  Trying not to get excited and hopeful to only have another crash landing with emotions.  I cant imagine not being a mom.  That is the only thing I have ever known, ever since I was a child I knew I wanted to be a mom.  Heck, I didnt even care so much about having a husband as I did having a child. 
So now we are left with "what is our next move".  The only thing we can come up with is getting a loan for IVF with donor sperm (and then having to file bankruptcy because we cant pay it back and our other medical bills), living child-free (which seems completely out of the question and so unfair), or possibly foster parenting.  A couple of my friends are foster parents and they said you can foster parent with the possibility to adopt.  All through DCFS and minimal costs.  But what about the emotional cost???  How do you have a child in your home for a certain length of time and then have it ripped away?  That seems unbearable...  I have been doing alot of research and reading alot of blogs.  So if anyone has any feedback or advice, feel free to give it.  Just please be gentle, my heart is already broken.


  1. My SIL and I were just talking about this the other day, I was told that my eggs might be the problem. I've looked into becoming a foster parent so that we could adopt but I know this may sound very selfish (but I can't help the way I feel) I really really want a baby and I just think the chances of getting a baby that I could adopt by fostering (don't know if this is a word) is slim to none.
    Then I looked into donor eggs (was thinking maybe my sis) but I don't know if her eggs are good first off, then to know in the back of my mind for the rest of my life that the baby is really hers and not mine.
    I hope that you can find the answer you are looking for and feel content with it. Lots of luck. ((Hugs))

  2. We had friends who did foster to adopt and I remember asking her how she would handle it if the adoption didn't go through and the girls went back to their birth parents. Her answer has always stuck with me. She said that even having a birth child doesn't guarantee that you are always going to have that child. (She had a few friends who lost children when they were young and so it gave her that perspective.) It really is true. No matter whether you have children by birth or children through adoption you are never guaranteed how long they will be yours. I don't know if that helps.

    We just became foster parents in March with the intent of doing foster to adopt. We have had our first placement for about two months now. She came to us for what we thought was the weekend but she is now with us indefinitely. It doesn't look like she will be able to be adopted but we are okay with that. There has been a bit of adjusting for our whole family and I think the attachment may not be as strong because we have a pretty good idea that she won't be staying with us forever. We figure that the time God has her with us is what he wants and that we will do the best for her while she is with us, however long that is.

    Good luck with making your decision. Sometimes once you make your decision it moves you into a place where you didn't think you would be. Our foster parenting has finally made me realize that we had a pretty perfect life and I am finally content with our little family.

  3. I am so sorry for all the heartache you have been through. My hubby and I have experienced 4 early miscarriages on our journey to become parents so I know that this journey is not always easy. We decided that we had to chose between adoption and IVF, and for many reasons decided adoption was the best option for us right now. We are just starting out on this new journey. It is not inexpensive, but with the 13K tax credit that covers about half the cost. We figured it would cost us less than an IVF cycle in the end. Just wanted to make sure you knew about that credit when you are looking at the financial aspect of regular domestic adoption.
    I wish that the money didn't enter into our decisions it seems so unfair. Blessings x

  4. You poor thing! I'm so sorry you've been through all of this :(. I'm not sure where to tell you to turn next - there are pros and cons to each scenario you could try. Is your insurance helping with dIUIs at all? Try switching donors maybe. Also check with your employer about putting money from your check into an FSA account next year - it's tax free and can pay for donor sperm and IUIs (at least in MO where I live - you might want to research before you do it.

    Hang in there!

  5. I really really hope it works. All I can say really is dont lose hope, hard I know, but If you lose hope, what do you have left?

  6. Hello,

    I have just returned from Brno for treatment at a fraction of the cost of the States. I did Donor Egg and sperm and you can use your own egg etc. You can go through the clinic directly although there is a waiting list for approx $3K (using your own eggs) or use My IVF Alternative for $5K and they push you to the front of the line and offer other services. I used this company and have nothing but great things to say about them. For me it was worth the extra $1,500 or so for someone to show me around Brno CZ, pick me up for my appt, take me to the clinic, etc. It put my mind at ease. They can also sign you up to get free medication which no clinic here in the USA will ever do. Take care and best of luck with your decisions.

  7. I came across your blog through 'diary' and what i read sounded like me life story. I don't want to write all the details here, but I will tell you that after being told my husband had no swimmers i was devastated. I couldn't imagine my life being without kids... anyway my point is i have three children now and they were conceived with donor sperm and I found the strength to keep trying with the IUI's. Its hard..don't give up though..I took meds to increase my egg production to two or three follicles and did a trigger shot...didn't work the first two times but on the third we conceived our son. we waited a year and a half and tried a second time, and it took three tries but we got twins...a boy and a girl....keep hoping, wishing and praying and your dreams will come true... I am living proof....

  8. I have no idea where you are in the process but I do know there are lots of kids who are legally free in the system. There would be no chance they would get taken out of your home. They may not be infants but many of them are still really young. If you can take siblings you can often get younger children. The cost is very minimal, and in some states depending on your situation, there might even continue to be a financial subsidy from the state. Just a thought. I know this is such a hard time but never stop hoping.